Taking and Giving but not Keeping
by thundercow
Summary: He cannot handle Eru Chitanda. — Satoshi, Chitanda.


**taking and giving but not keeping**

Chitanda takes.

She takes the Geog Prep room and transforms it into her haven where she can read books and search for answers and giggle and clap her hands over the mystery of the week. She takes the mantle of Chairperson of the Classic Literature Club and crowns it on herself in a modest, humble way, even as she burns with anticipation and enthusiasm. She takes Houtarou and brushes the dust off his shoulders and straightens his posture and drags him out of his grey, grey world. She takes Houtaoru and leads him, his hands tied behind his back and her hands blindfolding his eyes, and makes him change in the smallest ways, magic dancing from her fingertips. She takes Satoshi's smile and returns it, only, her smile is genuine and hopeful and she doesn't plant anything else in it, an amateur.

She takes them on trips to quaint hot springs and takes them through meetings discussing the next _Hyouka_ issue, takes them to her house for projects and for afternoon tea, takes them to libraries and takes them on their way home. She takes and takes and takes and Satoshi stands at the side, recording everything at the back of his mind.

* * *

Chitanda gives.

She gives them encouragement packaged in nice words and her biology notes before tests and uncomplicated riddles to solve. She gives them her curious eyes. She gives Mayaka a warm hug on the back, gives her a listening ear, gives her a hand to hold and a steady shoulder to rest her sharp, gentle chin on. She gives Mayaka a rare small dress that fits her perfectly. Few things can fit Mayaka's tiny frame. She gives Mayaka real emotions and she gives Mayaka what Satoshi can never give. Satoshi should be grateful to her for that – and he is, along with something more that he's too petty to admit to right now. She gives Satoshi her full attention when he rambles on about the size of the moon and the number of pillars in the school's courtyard, and that someone should pay attention to him reciting aimless statistics is the oddest thing in the world.

She gives them exciting high school afternoons and gives them long black hair combed down to the waist, gives them her heart in the middle of her palm, trustful and patient and shaped beautifully. She gives them her courage because she's never afraid to tell the truth. Satoshi wonders if she's just here to make him feel like this. She gives and gives so much, it makes Satoshi realise he never has anything to give to anyone.

* * *

Satoshi only keeps. He keeps his feelings to himself and keeps Mayaka's heart in one fist and Houtarou's friendship in the other. He keeps to his neon pink life and keeps to his squeaky bike and his favourite purple bag. He's selfish to the bone and he does it all with his very special carefree smile. Everything comes easy to Satoshi. Whenever a problem crops up, a smile is the best remedy. Mayaka's love, which chooses to express itself in bouts of anger or expectant looks that in themselves expect nothing or (the worst) slight tug of the lips that mean too much, and Houtarou's annoying habit of smothering his talent and pulling at his bangs, things that Satoshi will never have, will go away eventually. He keeps everything at bay with a grin or two. After three years, it's become easy to handle Houtarou Oreki and Mayaka Ibara.

"Good morning, Fukube-san."

Chitanda calls him up early on a Sunday morning. He's still curled under his blanket and if it had been Houtarou or even Mayaka, Satoshi would have ignored the sound of his handphone vibrating because he can afford to do that to them.

"'Morning, Chitanda-san," he answers in the middle of a yawn.

"Oh, I didn't know you were still asleep! I apologise for waking you!" the girl's voice jumps into attention, and she sounds actually apologetic, her compassion not just for show. Satoshi clutches his stomach.

"Nah, it's okay. I would have slept my whole day away if you hadn't called." He rolls over on the mattress.

"I'm sorry," even Chitanda's laugh seems to bow in apology. Her voice only hardens when she says, "But I'm just calling to remind you that your article for our next issue is due on Wednesday."

Ah, not a good day for an article to be due. He'll be swamped with student council duties from Monday through Thursday. He can't barrel through the article today either because he's already planned to go out to check the new shopping outlet at the east side of town. He has to buy more thread and yarn for his project with the Handicrafts Society. Houtarou had rejected the offer to accompany him because of his usual policy, content to carry his nonchalant pride through his empty sundays. Mayaka told him she'd be busy with homework. It's a lie. Satoshi can tell because he's pretty adept at white-lying too. Also, there's the fact that it's Mayaka.

Satoshi tries to rephrase all this in a more concise way for Chitanda.

"But, Fukube-san, we won't be able to publish _Hyouka_ on time if you don't submit it by Wednesday," the girl explains, unaffected by his embarrassed chuckles and awkward apologies. "Let's think of a way to get this done together, alright? I'm sure I could be of some help!"

"No, no, it's alright." He smiles even though there's no one around to see.

"I insist!" Against his expectations, Chitanda doesn't back down, and Satoshi has to swallow a sigh, like a lump, down the back of his throat. He tries not to frown at her inability to take a hint because that would be rude, and Chitanda doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve anything other than Mayaka and Houtarou and her perfect smile and childish hobby of solving mysteries.

"Alright," Satoshi slumps back down on his pillow.

He cannot handle Eru Chitanda.

* * *

**notes:** Happy New Year, guys! I was thinking, what better way to start the new year than with something I've never written before. I've always been intrigued with the potential of Satoshi and Chitanda's relationship. The show itself speaks very little of what kind of relationship these two have. As far as we know, it's one of mutual respect and understanding to a certain degree, because Satoshi and Chitanda do share similarities in some ways. On the other hand, we have Chitanda, who suddenly barges in and sweeps both Houtarou and Mayaka up and off their feet. What if Satoshi felt something from having his two most important people being taken away from him, or something along those lines?

But at the end of the day, if Satoshi ever considers the thought of disliking someone like Chitanda, he'd probably laugh it off. How is it possible to hate someone like her, right? I guess that'd be what he would be thinking. She may come off as a paradox, being too selfish yet at the same time too generous, but taking a step back, these aren't things he can come to hate at all. What I'm trying to say is that though Chitanda may bring Satoshi a lot of inner grief or cause him to go through a lot of self-reflection, and make him realise what kind of person he is, he would probably never truly dislike her. What a tiring relationship that would be, and a one-sided one at that.

I will write a happier take on them though! Eventually! I think they have the potential to be the absolute best friends who talk in metaphors about their relationship with Houtarou and Mayaka respectively!


End file.
